I have been crazy thinking and my brain has not stopped. There are so many things I want this blog to be. I have started and failed at my dreams because I gave up. It was too easy to do nothing because I perceived myself to be falling behind or that because I hadn’t done something I shouldn’t bother to still do it. Failing to try is the worst of all failures. One of the things I have been constantly reminding myself is to be lenient on myself. I want everything to be perfect. Yet realistically, there is much I still need to work on and many things will take time. But I am slowly making progress. Today I was able to add an e-mail subscription option to this blog, so if you would like to be notified when I post by e-mail you can now! So do it! I feel like these are the little accomplishments that I think will add up to big changes. As Winston Churchill said, “success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts”.
So I continue.
Monday I went to yoga with my mom and did Bodypump solo afterward. I am starting for now with the lightest weights on my bar available, 2.2lbs, and using a 5.5lbs weight for non-bar exercises.
Tuesday I took a rest day from the gym and I received a postcard from Cory. He has been working in Boston for the last month and his commute is often 3+ hours a day. He still comes home every day so there’s never a day I don’t see him but he is often exhausted and he goes to sleep earlier as a result. I thought it was very sweet that even when he is in Boston, he wanted to mail me something from there to let me know he was thinking of me. He also offered me one of his famous Asian massages he’s perfected and I gladly accepted on behalf of my self-care initiative. It was incredibly relaxing and after being so sore felt amazing on my body.
Wednesday when I got out of work I went to Zumba with my mom. I’m sure to others we were visibly new but I reminded myself and her it will get easier the more we come. It was also really fun! I laughed more than I expected to and the instructor told us to be wild. There’s something really enjoyable about dancing really badly and sweating so much because you’re dancing like a madwoman.
I went home after Zumba to spend a little time with the puppies before Cory and I went back to the gym for their last class of the day, Bodypump. I was excited to have Cory by my side working out too. I once read an article about how couples who work out together are more likely to stay together; hopefully, we will both be super motivated and it will just foster a whole new relationship between us. Cory hadn’t been to the gym in 311 days and weighed in at 327lbs. He set a goal for himself to get down to 275lbs.
It was Cory’s first Bodypump class ever. Less than halfway through, Cory needed a break so he stepped out of the room. After a couple songs and sets, Cory still had not returned so I ran out quickly to see if he was alright. I found him walking on a treadmill and he informed me he was done. I couldn’t believe he could be so quick to give up! I understand that the class is strenuous but I also know from personal experience that if you start to feel weak you rest for a minute or do a modified easier version of the move. I would never think “this is too hard, I should just give up”! I told him “you don’t want to be a quitter!” and he agreed and came back. We were on a roll until the instructor announced next we would be doing ab work and with 7 minutes remaining in the class, Cory left again. I was disappointed and Cory missed all of the cool down stretching that probably would’ve made him feel a little better.
When the class was over Cory came back inside to help put away his equipment and a nice woman named Erin approached him. She told him that she had seen him leave earlier but was so happy that he had come back to try again. She told us both to just make sure we keep coming and we’ll get better. She told us about how she used to be a lot heavier and how working out has made her feel better and made her mind more zen. I feel like I can already feel it happening to me. Especially during yoga, it’s probably the only time my brain isn’t racing and can just be put to rest (even during Cory’s amazing massages, I have been guilty of not enjoying them fully by thinking and talking and Cory has had to implicitly tell me to just lie there). Working out helps my brain from being so chaotic.
When Cory and I returned home we had a big talk about giving up. In life, the path of least resistance that will always be easiest is to do nothing. It applies to my blog, as it applies to the gym, as it applies to everything. Never give up! It ended with Cory recommitting to trying and a promise to not give up next time.
Thursday was another rest day. The puppies are committing to eating healthy too and Lily kindly proofreads my handwritten blog drafts.
Friday we decided last minute to go out to dinner to celebrate Cory’s huge accomplishment of finally paying off the loan on his car! Woooooo! This is excellent for both of us because now neither of us has a car payment! So that is just extra money in our pocket!
Today is Saturday and my mom, Cory and myself all went to Bodypump this morning and got three spaces right up front. Cory was so proud of himself that he completed a full class and he told me that my words of encouragement helped him do it! I am also really proud of him. We took pictures afterward in the mirror to put on the blog so that one day we will have starting pictures to compare.
I don’t love the picture of me but I do really love my shirt. Better, Faster, Stronger, Happier. These words definitely reflect me and the goals I want to accomplish. I’m going to get there, and I won’t give up this time.